About Robert Martin Lees: How We Saved Our Marriage by Rediscovering Intimacy

It’s Quiet in the House, and Not in a Good Way

I remember the silence more than the shouting. After years on the painful roller-coaster of making up and breaking up, my wife and I had finally found some stability. The fighting had mostly stopped. But what was left was a quiet, aching distance. We were great parents, efficient roommates, but the passion? The connection? It was a ghost haunting the hallways of our home. We were living in a ceasefire, not a marriage. That feeling of being utterly alone while lying next to the person you love most… it’s a unique kind of hell, and I knew it intimately.

My “Awakening”: Realizing We Were Roommates, Not Lovers

The turning point wasn’t a big fight. It was a quiet Tuesday night. I looked at my wife, the woman I fell in love with, and I realized I was looking at a stranger. The cycle I had learned from my own parents’ divorce—the pattern of emotional withdrawal and unresolved pain—hadn’t just broken our communication; it had starved our intimacy. I knew how to fix a crisis, but I had no idea how to build a connection. That realization was terrifying. It was also the beginning of everything. I knew that if we were going to save our family, I had to stop blaming the world and start learning the language of true intimacy for couples.

From Breaking Cycles to Building Bridges: The Birth of “Lessons to Love”

That journey back to each other was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It started with the principles I teach at my sister site, ChangingTheCycle.com, where we focus on breaking those negative relationship patterns. But once the emotional foundation was stable, we had to build a new house. We had to rediscover each other, not just as partners, but as lovers. This is why I created Lessons to Love. It’s the second half of the map. It’s for people who have done the hard work of stabilizing their relationship and are now asking, “What’s next? How do we get the spark back?”

Why I’m a Different Kind of Sex Education Author

There are countless experts out there. Many are brilliant. But I’m not here to give you a clinical manual. I’m an author in sex education who learned these lessons in the trenches of a real marriage, facing the real possibility of losing everything. My approach is built on a simple, powerful truth: spectacular sex is a symptom of a spectacular connection. We work on the connection first. We learn the words that work and the words that heal. We focus on exploring sexual pleasure and desire from a place of safety and trust, not pressure or performance.

Whether you’re looking for specific advice on lovemaking for men or lovemaking for woman, the principles are the same. It starts with owning your love story.

More Than an Author: My Mission & My Portfolio

My work is a complete ecosystem for relationship healing. Lessons to Love is my specialized home for intimacy. ChangingTheCycle.com is where we do the foundational work of breaking negative patterns. And for those in the specific, painful crisis of a breakup, MakingUpMagic.info provides the emergency guidance needed to navigate that storm. Together, they form a complete path from heartache to healing.